Struggling with anger?
Anger is a normal healthy emotion. But, if your anger doesn’t feel healthy MiP can help.
Help is Here
“Anger is a normal human emotion and a natural response to certain life experiences”
Anger is a normal human emotion and a natural response to certain life experiences. However, for some of us it can become an overwhelming feeling and start to dominate life. At such times you might feel under attack, provoked, insulted or deceived.
When anger becomes overwhelming and feel out of control it can become destructive and may be a symptom of more complex matters. At such times you may find managing relationships, work or family life very challenging or difficult. Anger can interfere, make conversations tough and lead to conflict and arguments. This is where MiP can help.
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When Anger is a Problem?
Anger is a normal human emotion. When used in a benign healthy way i.e., through compassionate assertion, or when assisting agency, anger can feel empowering and satisfying. In this sense anger can feel motivating. It can drive you forward and help you reach targets, fulfil wishes and realise your potential.
Anger can become a problem if it becomes destructive. So, if anger is targeted externally towards those around you or inwardly (i.e. self-persecution or self-loathing) it may harmfully affect your life. When this happens, you may feel overwhelmed by aggression or rage. If aimed inwardly this may result in depression or other psychological problems whilst if aimed outwardly it can create problems in relationships or other pars of life.Â
Anger can cause problems and harm you or people around you.
This might appear when:
You feel aggressive and express anger through unhelpful or destructive behaviour.
Your anger has become stuck and is blocking other emotions or your ability to experience other emotions.
Has become a reaction emotion.
You have not had an opportunity to express the stuff making you feel angry in the first place.
Opportunities to express your anger have not been taught or experienced.
The Issues
When is my anger unhealthy?
This may seem like a question with many obvious answers but how we cope and manage our anger is also part of the distress and misery experienced by those with anger issues.
Self-harm has been described as a method of outwardly expressing something unbearable or difficult to put into words. By hurting yourself it may feel like you are not hurting others and hence used as a way of changing emotional pain to physical pain or a way of taking some control. It might also be linked as a coping method to stop the pain or feeling disconnected or disassociated (see anxiety for more on dissociation)
Passive Aggression: By ignoring people, refusing to see or speak to them, refusing to engage in activities or tasks with others or doing jobs badly on purpose then anger becomes passive (passive aggression) or non-violent. Another form of passive aggression is by sulking, being sarcastic, avoiding people by turning up late and denying any anger exists.
Expressing anger outwardly through uncontrolled aggression and violence. You might find yourself shouting swearing, feeling physically violent to those around or yourself, have become verbally abusive or slam doors, hit things or throw things around.
Express your anger inwardly by feeling or telling yourself it is you you hate or self-harm by withdrawing basic needs such as food, drink, socialising or activities you enjoy.
When anger becomes so trapped and unbearable self-harming can be used as a coping mechanism to deal with painful memories, thoughts or feelings or overwhelming situations and experiences.
What Next
Let’s face the shadows from the past together
What Next
How can therapy help?
Speaking about the things that have hurt you really can help. By identifying the sources of the anger and pain we can channel this powerful energy from being destructive, frustrating or passive and turn this into something productive, creative and useful. In the safe confidential space offered by therapy we can think together about the moments, traumas and experiences that have left you so upset and angry.
Talking about your experiences really can help with anger and together create a sense of hope, change and movement forward from the stuckness of managing anger alone.
Therapy can help you stay safe and able to cope and manage ourselves in a healthy way when confronting the normal burst of energy that is part of our fight or flight system.
When feeling attacked by the world or others, anger can be provoked as part of our innate fight or flight defence system. We need this to survive but when overwhelmed it can feel like we are constantly under attack and as such constantly angry or edgy when confronted by situations seen at other times as normal.
Some common topics that come up during therapy
- Difficulties in relationships
- The feeling that something isn’t quite right
- The struggle of living with anger issues
- Old familiar persecutory voices
- A lack of self-belief or low self-esteem
- Feeling stuck
- Covid19 and the fear of losing your income
- Covid and powerlessness
- Covid and feeling isolated and unheard
There are a number of different symptoms associated to anger.
Tightness in your chest, an increased heartbeat, muscular tension or exhaustion are often commonly experienced when trying to cope or manage excessive anger.
Often when we are angry there are other emotions struggling underneath. As you try to manage these you might feel tense, nervous or anxious, you might be unable to relax, easily irritated or find yourself resenting other people. These feelings might also lead to you feeling embarrassed, scared or lonely. Such experiences are understandable and a normal response to avoiding or denying the source of anger.
Feeling aggressive, shouting, ignoring others or shouting, self-harm