Reflections from a session with Mr. S, a client in his 50’s who has been in therapy for three years. These thoughts were written by the MiP therapist after a session where Mr. S would not speak.
How does he accept help, and what is the purpose of being helped?
These difficulties restrict his capacity to see help as beneficial. Perhaps instead he sees being helped as ‘weakness’ and reflected from the last session.
“I have got time for being sad. After all what good does it do. How can it help”
As i reflect upon the last session and how i acted into the unconscious projections of his maternal relationship. By this i mean, assuming he would not attend, i became busy. So, when he did arrive into the waiting room i did not see. I had my eyes diverted away from him and he became worried and agitated. I felt that in his message. Are you there, are you okay, where are you?
Now in the next session it is me who waits and wonders where he is. I wonder has he forgotten me (the session) or is he purposefully letting me know what it was like? Inside me the frustration jangles. The anger of being forgotten and waiting is wedged in my chest. His power at leaving me like this hurts. I see this now as the shadow of the past. The mother was not there for much of the time. He fed of the times she returned – a thin insufficient feed – and remained underfed and unnourished. To defend against these truths he created fantasies that she was always there and ‘loves me to bits.’ Now his unconscious attacks are felt in his absence. He needs me to break this cycle so i will message him and see what happens.